I Fell Asleep On a Cloud and Woke Up in the Dirt

You’re floating in the sky, snuggled in the puffy white softness of a cotton candy cloud adrift in a turquoise blue sky with ceaseless sunshine and endless horizons. Not a care in the world. Totally at peace. Resting body, mind, and spirit with sweet dreams playing in the theatre of your mind. Life is grand. Everything is in order. It seems perfection is tangible after all as you drift along.

Suddenly, shaken from the dreamland reality you were enjoying, you find yourself laid out, covered in a dusty blanket of dirt. A filthy turmoil has settled over you. You are lost and alone in a bleak expanse. The ceaseless horizons, the brilliant sunshine, the comfort of the cotton candy cloud have vanished, replaced with stony ground, mountainous obstacles, and deep valley ravines.

How did you get from that cotton cloud in the sky to this filthy, bleak place? More so, why?

 

One day I’m soaring high and the next day I’m flat on my face. In fact it just happened to me this last week. Quite literally I went to sleep, calmed by a sense of peace, feeling hopeful confidence in what lay before me. Nothing seemed at risk, no danger was felt. Just rest and joy as I drifted into dreamland. With the light of a cigarette from Adriaan my world was shaken. Instantly I crashed to the ground. My dreams became nightmares, dashing my hopes, shattering my confidence. I suddenly faced a land of despairs, hopelessness and defeat as he explained a message that had arrived on his cell phone moments before.

Have you been there? Surely you have. I often wonder why it happens. Why must the dream end so brutally?

I think it sometimes comes from arrogance. You know, that teen-aged feeling of invincibility that we, even as adults, can experience when things are going great in our lives? We get so excited, then confident and if not careful arrogant. We snub our noses, take unmerited risks, scoff at danger. Then it happens. We were well warned, though we neglected the signs and now pay day has finally arrived.

Maybe this crash into the dingy depths comes as a result of the need for balance. The thrill of success. The joys of achievement. The rewards of accomplishing our goals have taken us away from the simple, quiet joys and beauties of life. We’ve forgotten our roots, the very ones that allowed us to reach these great heights. The balance has shifted and needs to be restored.

Fear, I believe as was my recent experience, is another culprit in our fall from the atmospheric heights. Past experiences, brutal events, old wounds and the expectations they generate lead us to the crash. They strike when we are lest expecting them and we react from that root of fear that has quietly held fast its grip on our lives.

I’m really just speculating, tossing about some thoughts and ideas, and spilling the ramblings of my head not really knowing the answer for why this occurs in our lives. But I do know that whatever the reasons are, these events occur for a purpose in our lives. They are wake up calls. They are opportunities to seize the truly important things in life. They are chances to transform and become our most authentic selves. They are opportunities for healing and restoration. They are instruments of change that can lead us to even greater heights; those we hadn’t even considered.

As my three day nightmare unfolded, I realized, moaning in grief, misery and defeat, and wrought with some of the most intense anger I have ever experienced that the problem wasn’t what I had initially thought it to be. The problem was my reaction to what I felt were the unfair, unfavorable circumstances that I was unexpectedly experiencing; those that had quite literally awakened me from a sweet dream. That reaction had facilitated my crash into the abyss.

And that is not to dismiss the challenge I faced or even the unfairness of it but only to take responsibility for my role in the events that unfolded. I reacted. For three days, I refrained from response as my fear, anger and hurt took control. I had allowed them to determine my destiny in the situation. Sure, the news that had been presented to me was dark and frightening. But I could have made my way through with much more grace, dignity and effective resolution had I measured my response.

We all face difficulties in our lives, even though we may be adrift on a skyward sea of hope and peace. For a moment in time, maybe unexpectedly, our attention is demanded, our response required. It’s life. But I do believe, certainly following my recent experience that whether a need for balance, healing from fear, a reality check or anything else, we can face the dirty depths and return more quickly to our dreamland than we generally do by simply responding instead of so quickly reacting.

But, when it occurs, if we could simply gather ourselves, shake off the dust and move forward in measured response, our time spent in the filth would be greatly reduced.

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